Tales of Phanmail
by phantasiagirl
Summary: Ever had a burning question you wanted to ask Cless, Klarth, Mint, Arche, Chester, or Suzu? Well, thanks to a few strings being pulled, all you have to do is write a little letter...
1. Chapter 1

No, I'm not dead. I've just been really busy with school. My other story "Love and War" is being worked on, don't worry. But I've been wucked into the world of the "Tales of" games and I need to get this idea out of my system :D

Okay, here goes. I've been wanting to make this for a while now. Write a letter to the Tales of Phantasia cast! Here are the rules:

You can write to anyone

You can write more than one letter

Try to make it reasonable. But you can ask pretty much anything.

There's no really specific pairings, I'm basing this off of the game/anime. It's blaringly obvious who likes who, but Cless, Mint, Arche, Chester, and Klarth ALL love denying their feelings. XD

Have fun! I'm aiming for 100 letters but if there's more, I'd love it!


	2. Questions 1 to 6

Yay, four reviews! New update on the question rules, YES you can write to ANYBODY. Even Suzu. Even Dhaos. Name it. And the villians might be OOC in their response if the question is...well, out there. For those unreasonable questions, if I find it funny then they will answer. And Sarah, that "wucked" was a typo, the "s" and "w" are right next to each other on the kepboard. XD Okay, onward!

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Tales of Phantasia, yadda yadda...and I also don't own (there's a reference to it) the other ToP fanfic "The Bow" by Morrosseth.

**_SPOILERS AHEAD--_**

(For VampireHunterSephiroth200)

Yo Cless,  
Ever considered dual-wielding like Lloyd does?

-VampireHunterSephiroth200

Dear VampireHunterSephiroth200,

Two swords? Hm...well, I was taught by my dad. The Alvein-style of sword arts specializes in one sword, believing that more power and accuracy can be placed in one blade instead of two. But two swords...hm...that might be fun to try out! Hold on...who's Lloyd?

-Cless

---

(For Ari-chan687)

Dear Arche,

What do you think of Chester?

Dear Klarth,

If you really want humans to learn magic, Arche is a human who can use magic so why not get advice from her?

-Ari-chan687

Dear Ari-chan687,

Ugh, CHESTER? He may look good, but he has some serious attitude issues to work out...

-Arche

Well, Arche is actually a half-elf. Since only half-elves and elves can use magic, me going to her for advice would be pointless, would it not? I don't have any elven blood in my veins and even my theory of summoning was scoffed at by the researchers at Alvanista until after I met Cless and Mint. But even though I have proved the use of summoning, I still hope for the day that humans will be able to master magic...without the use of Magitech.

-Klarth

---

(For Brokenwind)

Dear Klarth,

How old are you?

Dear Cless and Chester,

What's the worst argument you've ever had?

Dear Arche,

Was your mom an elf or was it your dad?

-Brokenwind

Dear Brokenwind,

I'm 29. Not 30. So there's really no reason for the "old man" jokes. It's okay for me to make fun of myself. But no one else. Not "Mach Middle-Age" and not "Old Geezer."(Arche)

-Klarth

Hm...I'd say that it's that one time that I accidentally broke Chester's bow..._That was the first one I made by myself!_Well, we were only six and I fixed it, remember?_ I...guess...Oh, remember that one time I accidentally pushed you in the river before you knoew how to swim?_ Of yeah, I caught a bit of pneumonia afterwards, didn't I...? My mother was furious..._Eh heh..._Anyways, notw, I think that the question is "what's the worst argument that you and Arche have had, heh heh..._What!_

-Cless and _Chester_

My parents? Weeeeell...It's my mom. She's a full-blooded elf and my dad is human. But my mom currently lives in the elven village because of all the elves' decision ten years ago (from 4202 on the Aselian calendar) to go back into isolation in the Ymir forest. So I've lived with my dad. (Even though I didn't even know she was alive until I saw her when Cless and the others visited the village...my mom told my dad to think of her as dead, apparantly.) But it's all good I sneak in to visit her from time to time. Oh, but shhhh! Don't tell anyone!

-Arche

P.S. Klarth isn't that far from turning 30! Hee hee...all those candles would set the cake on fire...XD

* * *

Well there you go! The first six questions. Cless may be a bit dense in the ways of love and such, but when it comes to swords...the boy is amything but. XDD Some of the information I'm using (specifically Klarth's and Arche's) are from what I can tell from the "Viva Tales of" DVDs and the Drama CDs. Poor Klarth…he got kicked out of the castle that one time…and they were all laughing at him…T.T

But anyway, I hope you enjoyed and don't worry, you can ask as many questions as you want to ANYBODY and you can submit new ones every chapter. :D 'Till next time!


	3. Questions 7 to 16

Hey, I'm back! Haha, I love the questions for Dhaos…I am fully supportive of the theory that Symphonia is Phantasia's 4000 year prequel. XD Who knew that the Evil King was a history buff? And "Guest", your questions were priceless! I, er, I mean _the group_…had a fun time answering them. :D And "i like vader lots", don't be discouraged by Dhaos' negative answer!

And read the long note at the end please, it explains some things and the big ToP project I'm planning. :D

Enjoy!

---------

Cless-

Why in the name of god didn't you just get a ton of Apple Gels and put them on the tree?

Arche-

Why does it look like your broom is farting magical energy when it moves?

Mint-

Why are you called Mint?

Sincerely, Guest

Dear Guest,

Er, well, if Mint's healing powers couldn't save the tree at first, then I don't think that any amount of Apple Gels would do any better…and in order to cover the Tree, we'd need a lot. And that costs money…

-Cless

Eh, really? It might be because of magic discharge or something…it's not supposed to do that. I never noticed that, I'll have to check it out. Thanks!

-Arche

Er…ah, well, my parents named me Mint when I was born. It's not a terribly odd name, is it? My name is Mint for the same reason your name is…er, Guest.

-Mint

-----

Chester-

How and when did you and your sister become orphans?

Dhaos-

What hair conditioner do you use on that hair?! It's ridiculously flowy!

Another for Dhaos-

Do you know of anyone named Yuan and Kratos from where you're from? I mean, they just kinda disappear…

Chester-

-evil grin- What IS the worst argument you've had with Arche?

Sincerely, Asuka

Dear Asuka,

Ah…well, it was when I was eleven and Ami was four. My parents, a good archer and swordsman mind you, left for a quick trip to Euclid to get some supplies not available in Toltus. It was a trip they had made so often before…But they were ambushed by bandits in the Euclid pass. Being outnumbered and overpowered, they…well…well when Ami and I heard the news, we couldn't believe it. But it was then that I vowed to be the one who would protect Ami and be there for her. I've done my best to do so ever since.

-Chester

Foolish human, you think that you can just write a letter about frivolous thing like that? Hmph…due to the current circumstances I have been forced into, I have to answer… My hair is naturally like this, I would never stoop so low as to use human hair products…although I have been conned into using something called "Neutrogena" as of late.

-Dhaos

Ugh, you again, stupid human? Hmph…well about the two that you mentioned, I've heard stories about them. They were two of the four heroes who ended the Kharlan war eight thousand years ago. One of their companions supposedly split Aselia, the world you humans live in, in two. But according to the stories I've heard, they died a little over three thousand years ago after helping the Great Kharlan Tree germinate _four _thousand years ago. Hmph…I've said far too much. That should have been more than sufficient to answer your question.

-Dhaos (you better not write me any more letters!)

Wha?? Rrrg…damn Cless…hm…well, ah…er…there's too many to count, actually…

-Chester

I can answer that one for you. I'd have to say that it was when Arche caught Chester peeking on her and Mint in the Mizuho hot springs. She was furious…and threw a bucket at him, causing him to fly back into our own spring. (Sigh…) he had it coming though. It takes a third party, a more mature adult, to ask questions like this to, you know.

-Klarth

(Klarth, no one asked for your opinion…-.-;;)

--------

Dhaos-

I wanna ask…are you gay?

Klarth and Arche-

What kind of relationship do you have? XD

Sincerely, i like vader lots

Dear i like vader lots,

YOU…! I AM GOING TO…(deep breath) No…I…am…NOT. I have…no nevermind. (pause) I…the only woman I have loved was Winoa and she was one of the ones who sealed me away along with that damn Edward Morrison, Alan Alvein, and Carol Adnade…never ask me a question again, you pathetic human!

-Dhaos

Oooh, me and Klarth, hm? (pause) Ew, he's too OLD. Twelve years…_She's just a teammate to me…I have…someone…_Yeah, _Mirald _huh? Hehe, invite me to the wedding! _You…you hush! I never said it was her! _Yeah, but you two LIVE together! _She's just…_(-cut for space limitations-)

-Arche and _Klarth _

-----

For everyone-

Have any of you ever met any of the characters from the other Tales games?

Sincerely, VampireHunterSephiroth200

Dear VampireHunterSephihroth200,

Hm…I've met two men from this show/interview I was asked to come to…"Viva Tales of"? Have you heard of it? That Zelos…he was…to Mint…(grumble) and Jade! He thinks that he can just sneak up behind me in a battle like that…spinning around in circles around me is cheap. (pause) Oh yes, I've also met…Harold…and her Swordian Team summon…(shiver), Judas, Kyle, Stahn, Senel, Lloyd, Veigue, and Zelos again…nobody appreciates my puns.

-Cless

Ah…I've met Zelos and Jade from the "Viva Tales of" interview…erm…Zelos was…well, he's an interesting person…but I don't think that Jade should have teased Klarth so much like that…

-Mint

Well…I met Zelos and…ugh, Jade was a jerk! A girl like that isn't my lover or anything…_Oh, well, EXCUSE ME! Just to let you know, I can't stand guys who walk around with a stick up their butts, either. _WHO'S walking around with a stick up their butt? _Oh, I dunno, do you think I'm talking about you? _Well, are you?! _I said, do you THINK I'm talking about you? _Ugh, this is exactly why…_Why what? _What?! _That's what I asked! _Do you think I was going to say something about you? (-cut for space limitations-)

-Chester and _Arche _

I have met two other people from the Viva Tales of" interviews, as have the rest of us. I have to say though…that Jade fellow was rather rude. 29 and 30 are NOT the same age. You can't put me in that category when I haven't even turned 30 yet! 29 isn't even old…Zelos seemed like a punk but…he was okay in the end, I suppose.

-Klarth

I was taught not to go anywhere with old people I don't know. That's all I have to say.

-Suzu

---

Klarth-

Do you have a collection? What does Meridell (sorry if I got her name wrong) think? And, are you somewhat gay?

Sincerely, mintmelon

Dear mintmelon,

Um...well, I don't think that I sould be allowed to disclose that...besides...Mirald kind of...found all of them and ripped them up. She didn't say anything when I got back to Euclid so...I don't dare bring it up. And no, I do not like men in that way, no matter how I am portrayed in fan stories.

-Klarth

-----

Weeeell, I hope you liked it! Poor Suzu is so unloved… :D And Winoa actually Dhaos' SECOND love, he had someone back on Derris Kharlan, I think… I get this and the destruction of Klarth's poor Sukebe (porno) magazines (god, he deserved that...) off what little I can understand from the Drama CDs. XD And VampireHunterSephiroth200's question responses are based off the "Viva Tales of!" shorts (haha Zelos was hitting on Mint so much…and poor Jade was RE-JEC-TEEEED by Suzu!) and the "Tales of Fandom Gaiden" short. Check them out on Youtube. XD

And the pun thing? Yeah…Cless has this thing…it doesn't translate well into English but here it is in Japanese word for word. ("We will defeat Dhaos!")

"Boku wa Daosu daosu!" Haha, get it? XD

Okay, a little thing here: I'm planning a huge Tales of Phantasia project. The _novelization_ of the drama CDs. I need a translator for the script, but I'm going to write out the whole thing and post it here. Whoever does the script will be eternally thanked and their name will show up in the beginning of every chapter. I'm going to go to the Tales forums (phantasiagirl) to see if anyone's interested, but if any of you readers want to do it or know anyone who can, please PM me or email me! Tales of Phantasia really does need more love…

Hieinokoishi mail . youkokurama . c o m (delete the spaces)


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